Note: I'm going to start posting twice a week. I'll post on Monday and Thursday. There's a lot to discuss I guess.
Now on to the new post.
We have an interesting neighbor. He's an Independent Baptist...using the King James Version only! He's legalistic. He's moody. But sometimes he's a very nice guy and very helpful.
Well the other day (a Sunday) we were in the drive way working on the car and he struck up yet another conversation about how it's sinful to work on Sunday and how the King James Version is the only TRUE Word of God. He pointed out to one of our students that he didn't know if I was actually a minister and if Impact was actually a church. He then asked our student if he was 100% sure he was saved and then handed him a track.
He's called the police on us for parking in front of his mailbox. He's threatened to call the police on us for parking on the curb. Needless to say our relationship is a rollar coaster.
So, here's the question...
How do you love a person like this?
How do you love a neighbor that drives you nuts and sometimes makes your life miserable?
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
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10 comments:
As the Bible says, treat him how you'd like to be treated.
It's Easy. Just move. Then you'll have a new neighbor to love.
I'm totally kidding. But we can't be serious all the time now can we?
You could start by pointing out that the Sabbath is actually Saturday. So if we're going to keep Old Testament law, we've got the wrong day all together. Then you could enlighten him with a study of the KJV vs. the original Greek and Hebrew. Serioulsly, though, it depends on his level of understanding. Jesus had little to no tolerance for legalism and bigotry from the Pharisees. But my guess is that your neighbor simply doesn't understand. He's probably been programmed and brain-washed to believe and act the way he does. I find it much easier to extend grace for ingorance than actual bigotry. There was a family in my church a while back that was incredibly difficult to love. They acted like my long lost best friends in hope of getting something out of me. I always felt like I was being taken advantage of. For example, one day he sat in my office telling me about their brand new computer and digital cable/high-speed internet/digital phone package while she sat in the Senior Pastor's office begging for $50 for groceries. Near the end of their tenure in North Carolina, I reluctantly helped them move out of their sub-third-world-standard-of-living apartment (it was a fine apartment, they just chose to live in their own filth). They were moving in with a neighbor for a few months to save on rent. This neighbor, who was also there to help them move (and welcoming them into his home!), was mentally challenge in some capacity. To his face they treated him well, but behind his back they said some of the most hateful things I've ever heard spoken about another human being. I almost dropped the box I was carrying. Here I was extending grace to people who had no concept of it! In that moment, God's grace washed over me so completely that I physically felt it. I was convicted of my own bigotry and instantaneously overwhelmed with grace for them and their challenged friend. It took their demonstration of utter ignorance for me to actually get out of the box toward them (if you haven't read "Leadership and Self-Deception", buy it TODAY!). So, my answer is that I don't know. I don't know how to love someone who has absolutely no concept of their own dysfuction or the grace that comes their way. We can only hope that if we demonstrate grace long enough, something will eventually click in their head. I'm going to go out of a limb and assume that you're attempts to love your neighbor haven't been 100% genuine. Before the moving day, I certainly believed that my attempts to love my EGR (Extra Grace Required) friends were genuine, but they weren't. Your neighbor will see through us in a split second. He will read our body language and tone and know that we don't mean what we say. God, search our hearts, help us to see our own dysfunction and depravity. Give us humility and grace for that of others. Give us the strength and awareness to make genuine demonstrations of love for our neighbors and forgive them when they don't even understand.
A similar question: I have a friend who is 27, makes somewhere around $250k a year, has a 6500 sq. ft. home filled with every tech toy you can imagine, a Porsche, an Italian Sportbike, a Mercedes Benz, a speed boat, Seadoos, etc. He's very good looking and sleeps with a different girl every night. His life is completely empty; you can see it on his face as if it were written across his forehead. That's the easy part. He has everything the world tells him he needs and he's still not happy. Now the hard part. He has no concept of what a healthy relationship looks like. Every relationship he's ever been in, with his parents, friends, girlfriends, co-workers, etc. has been massively dysfunctional. How do explain a relationship with Jesus Christ when the person has no idea what a relationship looks like? No concept of unconditional love? No concept of submission? It makes me incredibly grateful for the healthy relationships God has given me. My only answer is to enter into a relationship with the person and show them what a healthy relationship is through experience.
Well I am the student referenced too in the question and I don't think anyone can understand this issue unless you have met the man....no matter how many things I told him about Impact he did not want to believe it was for God, and I actually I believe he thinks Justin is leading people away? He went as far to offer me his clothes to wear so I could go to church with him that night....the man is 60ish?????
Tyler...you would've looked amazing in his clothes. That was such a fun afternoon.
This whole experience hits pretty close with me after the year I've had. It's been something I have struggled with as well. One thing that helped me some days was advice I got from a good friend. She explained that you can't let that person win, you can't let them get the best of you. Easier said than done. I would go into the situation everyday, extremely frustrated and even more so when I would see the person. It took everything I had just to be kind of nice to that person, which didn't always happen. When my friend explained that I can't let them win, it brought out my competitive spirit. I would prepare myself every morning, knowing how frustrated I would become, repeating in my head "She isn't going to win today." My competitiveness would help me do everything I could to be nice to this person, just so they couldn't have the satisifaction of winning. It worked sometimes. It may not be the godly attitude to have towards that person, but it helped nonetheless. And when you can begin to be nice to that person, it is a lot easier to show them the love of God.
Well the rest of the verse says, "as yourself." So...I don't know, how do you love yourself when your being an annoying, legalistic, jerk?
That didn't really answer anything did it. Sorry bro, see ya soon. Peace.
That last comment was very fruitless wasn't it?
I'll add this...I think it's interesting that the Jesus uses the same word for "love" your neighbor as he uses a few sentences before when he says, "love God"...with all your heart, mind, strength, etc. So is it that we're really supossed to love jerky, legalistic neighbor man the same way we're suppossed to love God?
Huh...that didn't answer anything either. I just gave more questions. Sorry again bro...but it's a good question from you.
Well,I certainly don't know all or many of the answers for that matter, but I do know who does. We will constantly run into people in our lives who are, to say the least, difficult to love; like; be in the same room with or even think about without bringing out the worst in us. You know those feelings of wanting to smack someone or snickering- to ourselves of course-when something not so good happens to them. I know!!! I am there on a regular basis.and YES, we all have a "worst side" and if we don't think so we are kidding ourselves. So... How do we get through the hard relationships? What does God want us to do and learn from these relationships? Well,Let's see...
First.. We will have enemies. period. John 15:20 says: "Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also." Then in Matthew 5:11 Jesus says: "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you because of me. "Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven..." And.... I will add.. We cannot be angry, have our feelings hurt and feel wounded; all which are shots straight from the pit of Hell; while we are Rejoicing. The two just can't happen simultaneously when they are genuine. Rejoicing causes the bad feelings to fade away and be replaced with a heart full of love and joy. Love even for the one that has caused all of the pain.
Next and sometimes the hardest Mathew 5:44 says "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven" the rest of the chapter is great too, but I don't want to be too wordy- Tee Hee!
So, How do we do this? Well, personally I just don't "play". Often people are trying to get a negative reaction from you. Don't let it happen!! No matter what. Stand Firm in who you are and your beliefs. Smile, Give him a hug and just keep on going. I didn't say it would be easy, but it does work. How do we love the "unlovable"? Luke 6:27 tells us. " But I tell you who hear me:(So,I guess we have to be listening) Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" Those are all action words, so... invite him over to dinner, Have Nicole, or you for that matter, bake him something Yummy, Send him a Starbuck's card, Mow his yard, for his sake probably not on a Sunday. He certainly won't "get you" but I bet the relationship will improve. It has too because God's principles just Work!
"Father forgive them for they know not what they do..."
We are all products of the fall. We are all in the midst of this wonderful thing called "the human condition". Which means we're no better than this man, and we're no more worthy of love than him. But God loves all his children and so should we. I don't have any PRACTICAL advice on HOW to love someone like that, and I know it's hard. But love is a fruit of the Spirit, so if the Spirit manifests itself in you then loving people will be natural.
...I'd like to thank my brother-in-law for forwarding me the Henri Nowen daily meditational, as that's where most of this came from :)
oh yeah... you did say sometimes he was very helpful and very nice...
have any examples / stories to share to highlight this fact? maybe if we can focus on the good in people our task would become a little easier...
just a thought.
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